fromlaughter | cyrillah | fromlaughter:

There’s a parallel in this episode between the way Mary helps William, and the way Matthew aids Sybil. They’re both caregivers on a personal level. Mary feels a connection to Matthew because he has this same sense of concern and responsibility. She’d also very much like that apt attention of his to be directed her way. 

Yes. But Mary is more circumspect, less open. She gives and cares, but it is more one-on-one. In secret. She cares for William when none of the family—those who judge her—are watching. Similarly, she cares for Matthew when he is wounded but she is self-effacing “Oh  no, it’s nothing. Sybil’s the nurse in the family.”

Matthew’s kindness and courage is more public and more easily accepted. Perhaps it’s because he is a man, has bigger responsibilities. But Mary is keen to keep hers to herself. While this is what might frustrate some viewers about her character, it is precisely what makes her unique.

Very true. Their styles and habits of caregiving are different, and there is a gendered element. Matthew is trained to have a louder, outward-facing persona as a city solicitor, whereas Mary’s life is one of the interior, the home, and its subtleties and secrets. 

Mary also has protected how she is perceived all her life; she doesn’t want to be thought of as compassionate or vulnerable to the feelings of others, because these qualities might make her seem a weak and sensitive woman. She obtains power through her haughtiness and biting wit, not through gestures of concern. As a man, Matthew can publicize his caring side, and be thought of as gallant and chivalrous.

That Mary does not care about recognition or praise is a quality of her character. I’ve seen no signs that Matthew cares to receive this kind of attention either. Yet they are drawn together silently, and revel in the understanding, that they both share this strong sense of humanity.